I'm Okay
by aidyr
Summary: Sakura's behavior leading up to Arpino was in part thanks to losing her memories of Franchouchou. But that's not all. Apparently regaining her memories from life also means regaining her wishy-washy mental health. Oh well, she can handle it. But the girls can tell something is wrong. Leave it to Saki to say exactly what Sakura needs to hear. (Post final episode) - Also on AO3 -


The Arpino show had been a smash hit - maybe a little _too_ literally - and Franchouchou was just as popular as ever. Well… just as popular as a C-list idol group from a random, underpopulated prefecture in Kyushu. But nonetheless. Despite the winds and snow, plenty of people had shown up and despite the near cartoonish amount of unexpected and unlikely disaster to befall them, their fans had all enjoyed the show immensely.

To top it off, Sakura had regained her memories. Not only of her old life, but of her time as a zombie-idol as well. And of course she was thrilled to finally not be missing any significant details about her life, but for some reason she felt kind of… dull, this afternoon.

Well, she knew why, actually. Apparently regaining her memories also meant regaining her… less than perfect mental health. At least now it wasn't the only thing consuming her thoughts, like it was before she could remember anything but what a failure she constantly was. She supposed regaining her memories as a fairly popular member of a niche idol group was enough to repel lingering feelings of depression for a while. But alas, nothing lasts forever.

Don't misunderstand, Sakura was happy. She had an amazing group of friends, she had actually managed to become an idol - albeit after getting hit by a fucking car, - she could sing and dance, she didn't have to worry about school or college or adult stuff anymore. She was content with how life (or… afterlife, more appropriately,) was treating her.

That all said, depression is a bitch and it doesn't care how happy you are with your circumstances. She felt extremely _bleh_ and her fellow team members were starting to take notice.

"Sakura," a gentle voice accompanied by a caring and reassuring touch on her shoulder brought her dance practice to a halt, "are you doing okay?" Ai asked, careful consideration lacing her bandaged face, "you've been kind of out of it all practice."

"Yeah…" Sakura mumbled hesitantly. Should she say something…? She didn't want anyone to worry about it. Besides, she was _back to normal_ , right? Her memories were back, and she's confident in her singing and dancing. She knew she has what it takes to be an idol, she has amazing friends, she didn't have any reason to feel the way she did. Yeah… she should probably just put on a brave face and wait for herself to feel better. Her moods came in waves, afterall. Give it a day or so, she'd be back to her normal self in no time.

Her group members weren't buying it.

"Bullshit—!" Ah Saki, as delicate as ever. Well… not that Sakura minded how rough the ex-biker could be. It was… kind of hot, admittedly. Wait, damn it, now wasn't the time for gay thoughts. "C'mon girl, you look tired as hell. What's up with you?"

Sakura shrugged, "I don't know guys. Maybe I am just tired or something."

"Convincing," Lily commented helpfully.

"Seriously, it's nothing. Don't worry about it. Let's keep practicing"

But they weren't taking the bait. Every member of Franchouchou was lined up and staring down at the redhead with skepticism, concern and unwavering conviction. "Perhaps you continue to feel unlike yourself…?" Yugiri started carefully. She looked as though she was afraid she might trigger something and Sakura might revert to her pre-Arpino behavior.

"No, no, nothing like you're thinking," Sakura reassured. Because, really, just remembering how pathetic she'd acted those few days before their last show continued to embarrass her. She wouldn't be caught dead acting like that again. Well, at least, more dead than she actually was. Which was in fact, pretty dead.

Actually this had been bothering her, how _dead_ was she? If she could be killed like Kotaro had so graciously informed them they could, then surely they were some kind of alive. The simple answer was that they were neither alive, nor dead, but undead, which was its own thing. But the whole situation still felt really weird.

Whatever, she was letting her mind wander all while her friends continued to fret over her well-being. "Really guys," Sakura did her best to put on a smile despite how difficult it felt to do so. "I'm fine. Come on, we've got a show in a few weeks and we need to practice, right?"

Reluctantly, everyone agreed to drop it. But none of them seemed convinced by Sakura's fake okay-ness. Which was fair, Sakura was many things, but an actress wasn't one of them. That was fine though, so long as they could all forget about it and keep on with their lesson.

But Sakura continued to get the steps wrong for the rest of practice.

(***)

She was exhausted. She still kind of felt like shit, which was, she supposed, to be expected. She had lived long enough with such an ailment to know how depression worked. Still didn't make it any less sucky though. She just wanted to get to bed, sleep it off, and hope she felt better come the morning.

"Yo Sakura, you got a minute?"

It seemed the universe insisted she not be left alone though. On her way up to bed, she was stopped by the intense and caring stare a certain blonde hottie.

 _Hottie? Really?_ Sakura scolded herself mentally. _Can't you go five minutes without perving on your groupmate? Damn it, I swear to—_

"Sakura?"

"O-oh right—!" The younger zombie flushed in embarrassment, ashamed by her own easily-distracted mind. "Yeah, I guess I do. Something on your mind?"

Saki grinned gently, "I think that's my line… But uh, yeah I'd like to maybe talk some? Y'know if you don't mind. Not here though."

That was mildly disconcerting, but Sakura couldn't say her interest wasn't piqued. "That's fine… Lead the way then."

With an affirming nod, Saki turned and the duo made their way to one of many random, empty rooms occupying the grand manor Kotaro had somehow or another gotten his mitts on.

(***)

"So…" Sakura started nervously, "what's going on?"

"That's kinda what I wanted to ask you." Saki spoke much more softly than usual. Her voice took on a nurturing tone which at once felt extremely out of place, and simultaneously filled Sakura to the brim with warm feelings and butterflies. She had long since accepted her little crush on Saki. Could she even be blamed for it? Between her badassery, her infectious energy, her attractive as hell dialect, her love of Tamagotchis, her muscles, her adorable smile, her… Sakura was losing herself in thought.

"W-what do you mean…?" Sakura asked, raised eyebrow.

"Like… I dunno, are you… _okay?_ I'm not fixin' to jump to conclusions but I've been sorta… Bothered I guess? Since Arpino. I'm not gonna be specific until I have confirmation, but be honest with me y'hear? Are you okay?"

This did not bode well. This did not bode well at all. She wasn't suggesting… Or was she…?

"Yup, couldn't be better," Sakura smiled wide. Maybe too wide.

The following silence was unsettling and uncomfortable. A look unidentifiable and never before seen written over Saki's face worked its way over her features. Their blood-red stares bore into each other, and if Sakura didn't know any better, she'd say her fellow undead sweetheart was looking straight into her soul.

"You're lying." Finally came Saki's succinct and accurate observation. "I know that look, I've seen it plenty. You're…" Saki sighed, "I'm not stupid, okay? And neither are the other girls. We can all tell something is up."

"I…"

"You don't have to say anything… Just… We're here for you, y'know? We're a team. I don't know nothin' much about all this idol shit, but I know how to treat my team." Saki took a few steps closer to the now silent Sakura. "I'm here if you ever want to talk. That's all I wanted to say."

They stood quiet for a long moment. Well, it really only could've been a minute or so. But it felt as though an eternity passed between them. All the while, something Saki said played over in Sakura's racing mind.

 _I know that look, I've seen it plenty._

What did that mean?

Saki gave Sakura a reassuring pat on the back, before turning to make her leave. It took a second without thought for Sakura to reach out and grab the kind-hearted delinquent by the cold, dead, hand. "W-wait Saki…?"

"Hm?" Came a hummed response, and an eyebrow raised in question.

"W-what… What did you mean exactly… when you said you'd seen the look plenty? The one I was making…?"

"Ah." The blonde paused, and took a moment to search her thoughts. Sakura watched as her face morphed from one of curiosity, to wistful, to acceptance. "Yeah alright. I'll tell you about her." Saki took a deep breath and carefully considered where to begin. "So as I'm sure you know, I used to be part of this awesome, rowdy group of gals. We were really tight, we were like family, yeah?"

Sakura nodded along. Saki had only just begun and she was already invested in the older girl's tale.

"We were a diverse group of personalities. Course, me and Reiko were inseparable, but I really did love all the crazies in the group. There was this one girl, her name was Chiruka Kurosawa, called her Chii for short. She was a real handful." The look of deep longing Saki wore was at once enrapturing and kind of sad. It was the bittersweet look of someone who was recalling a loved one who they'd surely never see again. Which was fair. Given their situation, it was definitely not advisable to meet up with old friends. Lily's father and Reiko were both happy accidents, and certainly not accidents Kotaro would allow them to make more than necessary.

"Anyways," Saki continued, "she was super badass. I mean, she was a Dorami girl, of course she was hardcore… But she was also fragile. Most the time, she was out there with us raising hell and tearing up the streets. She was just as much a lady of nails as the rest of us. But she was also hurting. I'm not an expert on any of this stuff, and I for real didn't know anything about it back then. But I still wanted to be there for her. As a member of Dorami, it's your sworn duty to be there for your sisters. She was… well, no way to sugar coat it, she had it pretty bad. Depressed and stuff."

Saki scratched the back of her head sheepishly. She didn't quite have a way with words, but it was admirable that she was trying. And Sakura got what she was getting at.

"A-anyways," The bosozoku started again, "I had to be there for her sometimes, y'know? So I kinda know the signs. Acting tired, spacing out, and the way you talked about yourself during Arpino… I guess I kind of picked up on some things? Plus the look you were making. It was the same one Chii made whenever she lied about being okay."

"Oh."

What was the correct response to that? Clearly Saki was onto her, so there was that. But moreover Sakura wanted to offer words of comfort? Maybe? She went with the first thing she could think of. "Sorry to hear that."

Okay so that didn't actually make a lot of sense. What was she sorry to hear? That Saki had to put up with a depressed person? That seemed like something she should absolutely not say. She wasn't able to comprehend it herself, but deep down, most likely, Sakura felt sorry that Saki was about to deal with yet another close friend with mental health problems. Sakura more than anything didn't wish to be a burden.

"Nah, don't worry about it. I don't know what she's up to these days… and I'll probably never find out," Saki's smile faltered for a mere moment, "but Chii kicks ass. I know she's probably off taking over her own little section of the world right now. And well… You… You kick ass too, you know that?"

"I… do…?"

"Sure do," Saki happily confirmed. "I know you weren't exactly yourself leading up to our last show. But I also know that all that dumb, self-deprecating garbage you were spewing didn't come from nowhere. You didn't become a different person, you just lost some memories. Even if it was like… in the heat of the moment or some shit, all that stuff still came outta you. So, I guess I just wanted to y'know… Bring it up. Today seemed like an alright time."

"I…" Sakura didn't know why, but… she could feel the pressure of unshed tears stinging the corners of her eyes. "Thank you…" In addition to watery eyes however, she could also feel a steady heat building in her cheeks. Having a literal biker boss call you kickass wasn't something to take lightly. Especially when said biker boss was Saki Nikaido, who ate away at her heart with her intense gaze and beautiful face.

"Sakura… One more time," Saki spoke softly and placed a comfortable hand on the younger girl's shoulder, "are you okay?"

Sakura took a deep breath. She figured, _at this point, I may as well._

"When… When I was living, I was… diagnosed with some form of depression. It wasn't, and isn't, too serious. But it kinda just… bubbles up sometimes. I don't know… But uh… yeah. I haven't been feeling too hot today…"

"Thought so…"

Saki surprised the flustered redhead by sharply pulling her into an embrace. Strong arms wrapped themselves snugly around Sakura's waist and held her close. Though literal corpses, there was a certain pleasant heat shared between them. It was - for lack of better words - the best hug in Sakura's entire fucking life. Or maybe it just seemed that way through the rose tinted shades of her schoolgirl crush. Her heart beat so fast that had she not already died, she would've surely right then and there. It only worsened when Saki rubbed a hand delicately over the small of her back. It was an amazingly, incredibly soothing and love-filled hold. And Sakura would've been put at ease if not for the romantic feelings she harbored.

"Thank you for telling me," Saki mumbled softly against Sakura's ear. "I may not be able to hold Chii like this anymore… but you'd best fucking believe I'm here for you whenever you need me to be, alrighty?"

"R-R-Right—!"

"And Sakura?"

Sakura nodded, and motioned for Saki to say what she will, not trusting herself to speak coherently.

"Don't think I haven't noticed you checkin' me out girl, you aren't sneaky."

Well shit.

Saki smirked, then pressed a quick kiss to Sakura's fiery cheek. "You're pretty cute yourself. Talk to you later."

Just like that, without any follow up whatsoever, Saki left the room. And, in her wake, she left a thoroughly charmed and enthralled Sakura, who quite frankly, couldn't believe she hadn't yet exploded.

But that said… She felt much, much better than she had a mere hour prior. And she had Saki to thank.


End file.
